Lesbian No More: Short version of testimony

For almost 20 years I identified as a lesbian, as a butch.

Columbus Day weekend of 1978 was when a woman caught my eye and my heart. I could not get my mind off of her. I thought it was love yet as I look back upon it, it really was mere lust. Yet it felt so right, how could it be wrong?

I rationalized that God must have made me this way, a lesbian; little did I know I was in actuality transferring my guilt to God, blaming it on Him.

Prior to this time I always yearned to be held by women. I wanted to be enfolded by their loving arms and never let go. I liked guys but there was little if any sexual attraction there. I was actually engaged to be married however I called it off given I just was not sexually aroused by my fiancé. On the other hand, this woman so aroused me sexually that I seduced her.

Although I enjoyed the intimacy of women, deep down inside of me I knew the sexual part was wrong. But I would quickly push that thought away; I buried it deep down inside of me. So deep that it took almost 20 years for it to surface once more. Alcohol was a great burying tool. When the ‘it is wrong’ thoughts came back, they came back almost with a vengeance.

In 1991 my same gender sexual attractions ruled my life yet a change was starting up within my inner being. As I started struggling with the sexual attractions towards women I would share with my lovers that it was not them but that it was me, something was going on within me that I did not understand.

I started turning towards God searching for answers. In 1995 I came to a personal relationship with Him. My life was turned over to Him. As a loving church family embraced me and taught me about God’s love the battle within intensified. God and I wrestled nightly over my homosexuality.

“God! If homosexuality is wrong, why did You make me this way?” I asked Him this question nightly.

In 1997 my eyes were finally opened to the fact that God did not make me a lesbian. When I would have a same gender attraction I would capture the thought, give it to God, asking Him to help me understand where it came from and how to understand it’s turning into a sexual attraction. Over the past 15 years, these answers have come both through studying God’s word and the reading of writings, both pro, and con, on the matter of homosexuality.

Today, 2017, it is quite rare for me to experience a same gender sexual attraction. My attractions now are towards the opposite sex. This in itself is a whole new experience. Will I act out on them? Yes, but only in the marriage bed. It will be fun to see where God takes me; I leave it fully in His capable hands.

Experienced and written by Charlene E. Hios
415-465-0517 ministry phone #

Why do people drink alcohol?

I am sitting here concerned about someone close to me. I am trying to understand why they feel the desire or the need to drink. What is the draw to getting inebriated? What does it provide this person?

I wish alcohol was something that was never invented yet we know it has been around quite a long time. Even Scripture speaks of it. After Noah landed the ark, some time had passed and he was passed out drunk. so much so his drunkenness impacted his children and their ancestors. Yet at the same time we know Jesus’ first miracle was to turn water into wine at a wedding.

More later on this thought, please, feel free to share your thoughts with me . . .

Thoughts for Tuesday, 3.15.2016

2:47 pm

As we go thru life we have many experiences, many times God uses our experiences to help others get thru the same types of experiences. 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 talks about this when Paul shares how things he has gone thru are used by God to bring comfort to others as they go thru similar things . . . so you could say our experiences happen for a reason

3:04 pm

i am amazed that people (white baptist males) are paid money to speak on topics such as homosexuality and transgender matters when the only experience they have in the subject matter is reading a few books on about the topic.